Viva Poker http://www.vivapoker.com Just another Viva Poker weblog Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:09:51 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 en hourly 1 The inevitable Poker Face Post … Approved because of the walken factor http://www.vivapoker.com/the-inevitable-poker-face-post-approved-because-of-the-walken-factor/ http://www.vivapoker.com/the-inevitable-poker-face-post-approved-because-of-the-walken-factor/#comments Tue, 03 Nov 2009 08:09:51 +0000 admin http://www.vivapoker.com/?p=114 A dramatic reading of (the detesable) Lady Ga Ga’s Poker Face. The song is bad, but as in all things, Walken brings the good. And Creepy. But mostly good. I only wish it was longer…

]]> http://www.vivapoker.com/the-inevitable-poker-face-post-approved-because-of-the-walken-factor/feed/ 0 Negranu unloads, or “why douche bags shouldn’t be allowed on camera” http://www.vivapoker.com/negranu-unloads-or-why-douche-bags-shouldnt-be-allowed-on-camera/ http://www.vivapoker.com/negranu-unloads-or-why-douche-bags-shouldnt-be-allowed-on-camera/#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2009 13:37:42 +0000 admin http://www.vivapoker.com/?p=111 I should say up front that I didn’t want to post this. The interviewer is clearly a twat or (more likely) Baiting Daniel to get a good, senstaional video clip to promote his crap-tastic site… and in that sense, it’s worked. It’s also more than likely that it’s staged (in which case, Negranu deserves a ‘viral oscar’).

Reardless…

The link is old, the site is down for maintenance, and I like Negranu (met him once at The Madison in Toronto). I also laughed out loud* after watching.

*A couple of people have asked why I don’t ‘LOL’. Short answer is, I find it incredibly irritating…like sand-paper-on-nipples irritating.

]]> http://www.vivapoker.com/negranu-unloads-or-why-douche-bags-shouldnt-be-allowed-on-camera/feed/ 0 Poker Demotivational – is it because he wears sunglasses? http://www.vivapoker.com/poker-demotivational-is-it-because-he-wears-sunglasses/ http://www.vivapoker.com/poker-demotivational-is-it-because-he-wears-sunglasses/#comments Tue, 20 Oct 2009 12:05:02 +0000 admin http://www.vivapoker.com/?p=105 I see your sucker and raise you ‘douche’.

vivapoker-demotivational-suckers

]]> http://www.vivapoker.com/poker-demotivational-is-it-because-he-wears-sunglasses/feed/ 0 Phil Ivey – Poker player? Demon? Both? http://www.vivapoker.com/phil-ivey-poker-player-demon-both/ http://www.vivapoker.com/phil-ivey-poker-player-demon-both/#comments Tue, 13 Oct 2009 06:38:12 +0000 admin http://www.vivapoker.com/?p=88 The chances of me ever finding myself staring across the blessed green felt at Phil Ivey are slim to none… and I thank whatever poker player gods that happen to be listening for that fact.

I’d be tempted to poke him. To try and scare him. To make faces at him…. and when all that failed, to beg him to take my money faster because he’s really one scary lookin’ mofo.

vivapoker-demotivational-ivey

]]> http://www.vivapoker.com/phil-ivey-poker-player-demon-both/feed/ 0 In seat 1…2,3,4,5 and six: Bond – James Bond. http://www.vivapoker.com/in-seat-1-2345-and-six-bond-james-bond/ http://www.vivapoker.com/in-seat-1-2345-and-six-bond-james-bond/#comments Mon, 12 Oct 2009 14:09:55 +0000 admin http://www.vivapoker.com/?p=84 Not necessarily poker humour, but certianly cool. And please never visit this site again if you don’t think Sean Connery was the best Bond ever.

bond-vivapoker

Incidentally, can’t remember where I found this – if it’s yours, drop me a line and I’ll add a link.

]]> http://www.vivapoker.com/in-seat-1-2345-and-six-bond-james-bond/feed/ 0 1st reader-provided content – my little site is growing up http://www.vivapoker.com/1st-reader-provided-content-my-little-site-is-growing-up/ http://www.vivapoker.com/1st-reader-provided-content-my-little-site-is-growing-up/#comments Mon, 12 Oct 2009 14:04:42 +0000 admin http://www.vivapoker.com/?p=81 I’m always open to submissions for the site, and have received the first of what I hope is many bits of poker humour provided by readers. Sure it’s a bit old, but it’s also more than a little funny.

Thanks to Mike P. for taking the time (Sorry, no prize. Fame and glory at www.vivapoker.com should be more than enough).

CHAT
doubledealt says:hi
Bill_FTP-OLS says: good evening
doubledealt says: What’s ip?
doubledealt says: up?
Bill_FTP-OLS says: my name is bill a member of the full tilt online Support team
doubledealt says: On MSN?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:yes
doubledealt says:Why?
Bill_FTP-OLS says: we logged multiple ips from your account and ned to verifi your information
doubledealt says: My information?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:we believe someone may have stolen your account mmmm you havent shared youre account infomation with anyone have you?
doubledealt says:No. I don’t even have it written down.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:hmmm maybe a keylogger on you r PC then maybe you need a format?
doubledealt says:Well…
Bill_FTP-OLS says:if you can verify your account information to me i can insure that only your ip have access to it Its a new security feature were trying because this happens so muchlogin names and passwords aint safe anymroe You know. L
doubledealt says:Well
Bill_FTP-OLS says:dont worry this connect it secure
doubledealt says: Can I be honest with you, Bill?
Bill_FTP-OLS says: k
doubledealt says: Look, I don’t know how you go this MSN account name, don’t really care, either.
doubledealt says: Unlike you, I DO work for FTP. Trace my ip and you’ll see.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:huh?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:bs
doubledealt says:Trace it.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:how
doubledealt says:Start/run/cmd type Tracert and then my IP address and hit enter.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:oh k
doubledealt says:As an employee, I know that FTP employees will NEVER contact users over MSN. I also know a full tilt employee will NEVER ask a user for his/her username and password.
doubledealt says:I’m putting a temporary hold on your full tilt account.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:why?
doubledealt says:Have you read the ToS?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:Tod?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:tos
doubledealt says:terms of service
Bill_FTP-OLS says:were?
doubledealt says:Bill, this is a serious infraction against the Tos. You are at risk of losing your account.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:why
doubledealt says:I just told you why
doubledealt says:I need some information from you if you want me to unlock you account. I’m going to write you up but I will only suspend you account for three days, since this is your first infraction, okay?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:k
doubledealt says: First, what is the name the account is registered to. Not the user name, the persons real name who created the account. This is for verification purposes.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:xxxxx xxxxxxx
doubledealt says:Is this you?
Bill_FTP-OLS says: ya
doubledealt says:Are you the only user of this account?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:ya
doubledealt says:Okay, and what is the username
Bill_FTP-OLS says:xxxxxxxx
doubledealt says:Okay.
doubledealt says:I see you have raked a lot of hands this month, thank you.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:some. dude
Bill_FTP-OLS says:m
doubledealt says:Do you always log on from the same IP?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:ya
doubledealt says:And who is your internet providers, your ISP?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:xxxxxxx
doubledealt says:Thank you. One moment, please, let me verify this information.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:am i gonna be bale to play 2nite?
doubledealt says:What is your city of residence?
doubledealt says:That depends on if you cooperate. You’re doing fine so far.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:xxxxxx
doubledealt says:Illinios?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:yes
doubledealt says:Okay. And what is the password associated with this account?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:xxxxxxx
doubledealt says:Okay. Do not try to log into ftp. If you are connected now you need to log off.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:why
doubledealt says:So I can update your account.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:can I play 2 nite
Bill_FTP-OLS says:tourney tonight
Bill_FTP-OLS says:heh
doubledealt says:Heh. You’ll have to wait a few minutes. Are you logged off?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:ya
doubledealt says:Okay. Give me just a moment.
doubledealt says:Try to log in now.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:k
Bill_FTP-OLS says:It says login failed wtf wtf!!@?
doubledealt says:Bill
Bill_FTP-OLS says:did u ban me???????????>WHY
doubledealt says:Bill
Bill_FTP-OLS says:what
doubledealt says:Full Tilt will never ask for your username and password.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:what????
doubledealt says:I don’t work for ftp dude, but you just got pwnt.
Bill_FTP-OLS says:omg dude wtf why?
doubledealt says:Why were you trying to steal my account?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:i wanst
doubledealt says:Then why were you asking for my information?
Bill_FTP-OLS says:i was just making a joke but not cerious honest dude just give
my acount back pllllleeease i’m only 13 and save d up for like a year
doubledealt says:Bill
Bill_FTP-OLS says:dude pleas
Bill_FTP-OLS says:what
doubledealt says:Go mow some yards, bitch.

]]> http://www.vivapoker.com/1st-reader-provided-content-my-little-site-is-growing-up/feed/ 0 Poker Goes Nude For ESPN Body Issue http://www.vivapoker.com/poker-goes-nude-for-espn-body-issue/ http://www.vivapoker.com/poker-goes-nude-for-espn-body-issue/#comments Fri, 09 Oct 2009 09:06:13 +0000 admin http://www.vivapoker.com/?p=77 Well, one out of four ain’t bad…in everything except poker. Apparently ESPNs body issue is out and includes a few poker ‘athletes’ of a…unique bodily nature. Scotty? Really? And good grief Hellm(o)uth is irritating enough with his clothes on. Those teats make it look like he’s got a couple of giant inverted aces strapped to his chest…

via the dead money blog (http://blog.mlive.com/deadmoney/2009/10/espn_the_magazines_body_issue.html)

The only pic I’ve found to date. I’ll post more when they’re replicated across the web without permission. This is actually where having a poker humour site is difficult…Phil’s ‘flops’ are funny (thanks to BH for that one), but including them means I have to look at them. Pity me.

Phil flops, Harman raises, the Kid checks his pocket and Nguyen says 'yeah baby' for ESPNs Body Issue

Phil flops, Harman raises, the Kid checks his pocket and Nguyen says 'yeah baby' for ESPNs Body Issue

]]> http://www.vivapoker.com/poker-goes-nude-for-espn-body-issue/feed/ 0 Strip Poker Ends Solemnly With Scar Explanation http://www.vivapoker.com/strip-poker-ends-solemnly-with-scar-explanation/ http://www.vivapoker.com/strip-poker-ends-solemnly-with-scar-explanation/#comments Tue, 06 Oct 2009 14:26:22 +0000 admin http://www.vivapoker.com/?p=74 From our friends at theonion.com:

CONRAD, MT—The laughter and giddy sexual tension that typically accompanies a game of strip poker ended abruptly Monday after player Sarah Garrison removed her shirt and revealed a vicious scar that prompted innocent yet ill-advised questioning from the three other participants.

“I guess she was 9 when it happened,” said playing partner Justin Kiefel, who described the scar as jagged, densely fibrous, and extending from her navel all the way to her collarbone. “Her uncle was drunk and prone to Vietnam flashbacks, and had been playing with his knife, and, uh, I don’t want to say any more.” Kiefel said that after about 30 seconds of shocked silence, everyone started putting their clothes back on.

]]> http://www.vivapoker.com/strip-poker-ends-solemnly-with-scar-explanation/feed/ 0 Ante. Play. FAIL. Laugh? http://www.vivapoker.com/ante-play-fail-laugh/ http://www.vivapoker.com/ante-play-fail-laugh/#comments Tue, 06 Oct 2009 13:36:48 +0000 admin http://www.vivapoker.com/?p=69 I doubt he was really laughing, but I mean seriously, you have to see the humour in this hand of poker. First one of the 2007 WSOP. Flop the full house and….oh crap, he did too?

Against Sammy no less…

]]> http://www.vivapoker.com/ante-play-fail-laugh/feed/ 2 He’s earned the right to slow roll http://www.vivapoker.com/hes-earned-the-right-to-slow-roll/ http://www.vivapoker.com/hes-earned-the-right-to-slow-roll/#comments Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:51:49 +0000 admin http://www.vivapoker.com/?p=66 This wouldn’t be funny if:
a. the young guy wasn’t being a bit of a douche.
b. The old guy wasn’t so smug.

]]> http://www.vivapoker.com/hes-earned-the-right-to-slow-roll/feed/ 0